On repeat

in context

[in her letter, after Kostas accuses her of being afraid to love him] He's right, Car. I am afraid. There's a part of me that wants to let him in but then I feel myself put this wall up and I don't understand why. Maybe that's what strikes me most about Kostas: that despite everything he's suffered he can still look at life in the most uncomplicated way. I've never known that kind of faith. It makes me so sad that people like Kostas and Bridget who have lost everything can still be open to love... while I, who have lost nothing, am not.

except I never woke up

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

I x 16

1. I will never find ice cream too expensive. It's a basic for me. I can live one month without internet but not ice cream. And if you do know me, that says much.

2. I am not a morning person. Things barely matter in the AM. I converse with half-opened eyes and slurred vocabularies. When someone greets me good morning and I reply, it's either my birthday or you're my boss.

3. I'm at my happiest in three occasions, when something i did gets commended, when I make people laugh and when I find something I thought I lost.

4. I daydream surprises. and replay actual surprises in my head.

5. I think it's magic whenever a poetry or a song or an art form interprets exactly how I feel in perfect timing.

6. I know my walk is kinda funny and awkward so I walk fast.

7. I'm not always the girl-y kind of girl but I love dressing up. I like it when things match and when there's a surprising detail (like striped lining on an otherwise boring pair of jeans). Like most girls, I love to accessorize. but not makeup, not so much. And yup I can be Rebecca Bloomwood sometimes.

8. I frequently catch myself starting my Tagalog sentences with "parang" or "pero" even if I have nothing to compare or conjugate. And yep this communication major is a habitual offender of grammar and logic (and says yep when i'm lazy to say yes).

9. When I get really angry (which isn't often), I tend to cry. I actually dislike that about myself and have always wished that I could channel my anger through something far more useful and less embarrassing than tear ducts (like muscle reflexes :P)

10. Sometimes, I wish I didn't care as much for work, studies (once upon a time), or consequences. Just saying I would like to have more of the unplanned life.

11. A speaker in a competition I joined in said "You are here, maybe because of talent or because of luck.. the important thing is you are here." I didn't mind if he was using me as an example for the latter because I REALLY think I'm luckier than the average person (especially when driving and taking exams). I might really be Irish.

12. I get good and bad goosebumps in watching the world but I just keep on going. And this sounds like a motto I copied from a self-help book but it really is not, if it is it would be written more clearly. I'm vague like that.

13. For some reason, I am now known for my love for food which would completely be absurd and unsound 5 years ago (or 15 pounds ago). See my bony fingers?

THEN



NOW


14. For a non-programmer, I have a lot of programmer friends whom I surely love to have and work with but hate when they insist design must take a backseat from code. End of discussion. That's when I know what a frenemy is. Haha. Kidding! *hug* *kick* Oh our love-hate relationship.

15. I forever love our pet coal even if he smells like wet garbage and occasionally secretly lies on my bed. I'd never loved any other animal as much. <3



16. I would really like a Terabithia.

Canon Project Rebuild

Here's Canon's contribution to helping the victims of the recent typhoon disasters.
Hurry! Until October 31, 2009 only.